It’s one of those moments: you remember exactly where you were when you first heard it, what you were wearing, who you were with. We were at the Count’s castle, and I was totally naked. The Count was a big Nicki fan — ever since he’d moved to New York to do Sesame Street, he was really into the hip hop scene there. He played the track, and we were just stunned. We just stared at each other, our mouths open in shock. Cookie crumbs tumbled down my chest.
Count finally broke the silence to inform me that Nicki had…
“(Nick) Saban is a big believer in oatmeal cream pies” — Sports Illustrated, 1/6/2018
When you’ve won six championships in eleven seasons, everybody wants to know your secret. How you train, recruit, motivate, practice, and, year after year after year, win. And while there are many who’ve earned their place in 21st century Alabama lore, if anyone deserves credit for the Crimson Tide’s dynasty, it’s me, the gooey filling of an Oatmeal Creme Pie.
Most folks heap praise on Nick Saban, now the winningest college football coach by titles in the history of the sport. There’s a reason Coach Saban…
Content warning: This article talks about substance use, mental health, and sexual assault.
It has to be said: Demi Lovato, the living human singer from Dallas, Texas, almost died. Heroin, laced with fentanyl, three strokes, a heart attack. Blind, left for dead. There is a documentary about it. A music video (for the single “Dancing With the Devil”) recounts the event in graphic detail. The album Dancing With the Devil…The Art of Starting Over is smeared with glue and tears and blood, a whole starting over starter kit.
Demi Lovato, the human singer from Texas, is alive. There’s no denying…
Hello! Thank you for ordering with Custom Teez! I wanted to reach out and let you know that we are currently out of stock of the Midnight Blue t-shirts you ordered with “Civil War” emblazoned across the chest.
I am so sorry to disappoint!
However, we do have a few other options that I think will work well for you and your buddies. Are you guys doing like a big group outing or something? That’s gonna be so fun!
For something similar to Midnight Blue, I’d start by checking out Deep Sea Blue, Steel Blue, or even Independence Blue. …
In this house, we believe
Black lives matter
Women’s rights are human rights
No humans aren’t illegal
Science is real —
Hold up, that can’t be right.
No, really — science is real.
I mean the thing before that.
The thing about illegal people?
Right, you used a double negative, which kind of negates the meaning you were going for.
Oh, I see — so take out the negatives?
Some human beings are illegal!
Nope, that’s not —
Did the exclamation point help?
It did not, no.
I’m sorry, I got this sign from our son’s virtual piano teacher…
Well, you tried to screw this up. There are about 7,500 reasons why your playoffs shouldn’t be starting today (Marlins-Cubs is quite high on the list), and yet, start they shall. You’ll hype these Wild Card coin tosses like they’re some cross between the 1988 A’s/Dodgers World Series and a dude slaloming through mountains of cocaine on a March Madness betting spree. And the playoffs will start — presumably, they will start; that is, if the the players can continue their stunning about-face after the entire Marlins organization, half the city of St. …
In Netflix’s hottest new reality show, Too Hot to Handlebar Mustache, ten of the sexiest guys in the world are gathered on an island paradise. This spicy show features all of the classic reality show tropes: tanned and bulging pecs, alcohol- and testosterone-fueled hijinks, and sexual tension that pins you to your couch cushions. Except this time, there’s a twist: no contestant is allowed to grow a handlebar mustache.
You can imagine the looks on the faces of these ten virile men — and the audience! — when they find that out. Here they are, a group of dudes handpicked…
Dear residents of Grantland Avenue, in the year 2520: I hope rent is still cheap.
The fact that you are reading this seems promising, as the future of human civilization is looking a tad bleak at the moment. Remember sixth grade? When you asked out Aubree by the hand sanitizer fountain and had to do that whole project on the coronavirus pandemic? Yep, that’s us! This is the coronavirus pandemic.
And by the way, your class presentation where you explained what you learned over your two-day self quarantine was actually quite spot-on, and deserved better than a B+, even if…
Humor, sports, music. raleighmccool at gmail dot com